You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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