Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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