I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
