So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
