Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
