that's an acceptable place to lick
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
