What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
