just come out here and I will go home with you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
