Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
