i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
