I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
