i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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