Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
