My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
