I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
