I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
