He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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