The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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