White coat. Heels.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
