The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
