Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
