I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
birth control should be required to get into college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
