If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
