Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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