i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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