Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
