Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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