I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
