She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
