I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
