Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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