i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
