I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
