thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
