Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
