well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
