she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
