plz talk dirty to me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
