I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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