I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
