I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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