well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
