Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
