She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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