Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
