If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
