Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
