Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
