There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
