oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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