I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
