she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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