he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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