dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
