My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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